| Mr.
Hawthorne was a local JP, hence
his nickname, 'Judd'. When I
started at Prescot Grammar School
in 1957, Judd was head of
physics. This small, black suited
chap rarely taught the younger
forms and, only occasionally, did
he stray far from room 7. Even
then, the odds were that it was
only to collect an odd piece of
equipment from the other and
bigger physics lab. As regular as
clockwork, he headed home each
day for his lunch, his pipe
emitting sparks and clouds of
smoke as he strolled purposefully
across the playground. I was in
4b1 before I had him as a teacher
and first became aware of his
wicked sense of humour. "Have
you seen Arthur?", he asked
one day.
"Arthur
who?"
"Our
thermometer!"
By
then, he was very hard of hearing
and his humour was sometimes
unintentional. One boy had his
hand up. "What is it
now?" Judd asked with his
usual feigned impatience. Could
the boy be excused? Judd thought
the he was asking if he could
sharpen his pencil. "Do it
in the basket - and don?t drop
bits around!"
It
was rare to find him in a bad
mood but I remember Battersby and
Spencer being
"thrashed" (his word)
with a half metre rule -
doubtless they deserved it. I too
overtaxed his patience but not
until I was in the lower sixth.
Judd
was walking up and down the aisle
of room 7 dictating notes
("Every body shall persevere
in its state of rest or of
uniform motion except insofar as
it be compelled to change that
state of rest or of uniform
motion......." Funny how you
remember such phrases years
later!) Andy Parker landed the
first - a sticky bud right in the
middle of the back of the gown
which was hanging loosely off
Judd's shoulders. Within a short
space of time, it had been joined
by several others. My own
contribution was already on its
way when Judd turned slightly (or
maybe I was just a rotten shot)
and the sticky bud knocked his
hearing aid for six!
I
owned up at once, of course, and
was despatched to, "report
myself to the headmaster"
who told me what a silly boy I'd
been, announced that he would be
writing to my parents and
dismissed me with a single word,
"Go." I should, of
course, have gone, but it was
neither the outcome I had been
anticipating nor the punishment I
was mentally prepared for.
Halfway to the door, I turned
back. "Please Sir. Can I
have six of the best
instead?"
I'd
been whacked often enough but I'd
never had the cane before and,
frankly, I had no desire to
rectify that omission. I had an
inkling that it would be rather
more unpleasant than Joe's
slipper - but anything was better
than a letter to my parents. The
Old Man reminded me that I was in
the lower sixth - but seemed more
favourably inclined when I
pointed out that I'd got there
via 5R and was only really a
fifth former. With hindsight, I
reckon it occurred to him that
beating me was the easier option
for him too.
The
cane was altogether longer and
thicker than I had expected. It
bent easily as he flexed it. My
suspicion that it was going to
hurt was heightened by the
discovery that the back of the
armchair was just the right
height for its secondary purpose
and by the well rehearsed way in
which the tail of my blazer was
folded clear of the tightly
stretched seat of my school
trousers. What came next was
indeed worse - considerably worse
- than Joe's slipper. It stung
like the devil and it was a
relief to escape to the relative
sanctity of the corridor for a
spot of vigorous bottom rubbing
before returning to room 7 trying
to appear as nonchalant as I
could and wondering why I'd
requested six and not simply
asked to be caned and left the
tariff up to him. I hope nobody
noticed the cringe when I got
back to my place and sat on the
wooden stool! After the lesson,
Judd got the unrequired and
unexpected apology he richly
deserved.
Mr.
Hawthorn chivvied me through A
level Physics before I went to
university and he retired. Not
long after, I heard that he had
died. Tom Tyson and I went to his
funeral. We wrote to his widow
and family but fond memories live
on. Mr. Briggs too passed away
about the same time. He wasn't
the sort of person you could like
as such but he was universally
respected. The mortar board he
wore for assembly exemplified his
status. Otherwise, you rarely saw
him unless he was on a anti-fag
mission to the bogs.
He
once came down to Hope Street (in
his gown) after school. Never did
the Crosville buses fill so
orderly. On another occasion when
I was in the fifth form, he stood
in to cover a French lesson and
it was the best French lesson I
can remember - something about a
grammatical football team. Mr.
Briggs never married. He lived in
the large house on the west side
of the playing field north of the
school and his garden frequently
supplied the rhubarb and apples
which made their way into the
pies and crumbles we consumed
with (not always) lumpy custard
in the canteen.
He
was precisely the kind of
headmaster a large boys school
needed. He knew how to respond to
the steady stream of detention
defaulters, truants, petty
thieves, toilet door artists,
smokers and practical jokers, not
to mention those who were sent
out, sneaked out (at lunchtime),
upset bus conductors and the real
villains who dared to come to
school not wearing a cap or to
interrupt the Old Man?s assembly
("There's a boy there
laughing - yes you.") - if
only they still made them like
that! It was mentors like Messrs.
Hawthorne and Briggs (and others,
especially Mr. Lathom and Mr.
Harvey) that lured me into a
career as a teacher.
When
I was appointed head of a grammar
school in the seventies,
headmasters were still expected
to get down to the bottom of
things when it came to enforcing
good behaviour so I saw both ends
of the proverbial stick! I was
only one of countless hundreds,
maybe th ousands, of boys who got
their just desserts in the old
man's study - but there can't
have been who were foolish enough
to ask for it!
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